I’ve probably mentioned it before, but I don’t work at home simply for the convenience of being able to show up for work unshaved, uncombed, and even undressed if the mood strikes. I’m not a giant fan of the whole “outside world” thing. Well let me clarify that. The world doesn’t bother me, it’s who I have to share it with.
I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with people, and certainly not anyone reading this since you’ve already demonstrated that you’re one of the “good ones” simply by doing that. But let’s be honest here. Not everyone was actually created equal, right? Now I’m not disparaging any of the “bad ones” out there based on color, gender, preferences, or anything like that. My beef is with the ones that are, for want of a better phrase, self-absorbed retards. I’m not the biggest fan of crowds to begin with, but this particular class of humans – using the term loosely – seems to have outbred the rest of us to an extraordinary degree in the last couple decades.
We’ve all seen them. They’re the ones making that painfully slow migration, sans turn signal, across three lanes in their GMC Juggernaut while texting, yakking on a bluetooth, and tuning in Spongebob for the rearseat bigscreen TV for the bratlings. I’m not talking about that “holy bad planning Batman, I’m about to miss my exit” three lane panic merge. No, this is more of the “what are these silly lines on the road for” drift that takes 2 miles to complete.
The “screw everyone else, I’m gonna do what I want” attitude is annoying, don’t get me wrong, but I can at least understand that. It’s the “wait, you’re telling me there’s other people in the world” attitude that bulges the you’re-heading-for-a-coronary vein on my forehead. Yes, it’s wonderful you ran into your best friend in the whole world at Wal-Mart. Who’da thunk two people who are friends might possibly bump into each other? Now, do you think you could stop blocking four aisles? It ain’t hard to figure out your little club meeting could pull over to one side so the rest of us can get some damn Cheerios and be on our way. God forbid there’s more than 2 of them talking or you’re going to need a GPS navigator to find the alternate route.
So when I say I went out to buy some garden supplies at Wally World you can imagine the sort of fun I had. If you’re reading this, small asian woman driving the giant black AssUV… no, it isn’t legal to make a left turn in front of oncoming traffic into the “middle” lane of a 2 lane road. And what is it about a Wal-Mart parking lot that makes every pedestrian think they’re carved adamantium and cars are invisible? Two people walking to their car prevents anyone from being able to drive past. Why? Because they’ve got to walk 3 feet apart right down the middle.
I don’t have to tell you this. You’ve seen the stupid yourself. The fact that you’re still reading proves you’re not one of the oblivious-to-reality, technology-induced zombies.
So as I write this I am recovering from a great expedition into the undead horde that is the local Wal-Mart. I braved the vacant eyes and shuffling feet to claim my goods and emerge with brain uneaten. I got home and I built three self-watering containers (or SWC’s for those in the “in crowd”). I put together a little windowsill herb garden thing I bought. (By “put together” I mean added water and seeds.) I dug around in what will be my garden a little bit and then I decided to call it a day because my knee started hurting. Apparently I’m getting old, which all things being equal I’d prefer not to do.
It’s only a matter of time before I turn into the guy wearing black socks and slippers yelling at all the “damn kids” to “get the hell outta my yard”.
At least I’ll have a nice garden as an excuse.